Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
