just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
