is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
