no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
