I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
