Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
