And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
