I could have mohawked her pubes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
