Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
