Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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