i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
