Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
