i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
