Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
