he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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