I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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