I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
