Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
