for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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