you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
