But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
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