I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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