Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
