i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
