Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
