let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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