Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
