girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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