Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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