you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
