kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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