and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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