Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
