she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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