i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
