You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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