Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
