I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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