Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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