Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
