remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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