think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want her autograph on my taint
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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