He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
