Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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