I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize