Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
