There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
