Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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