My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
