She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
