Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
