No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
