I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Still dying that you shit outside
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
