It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
