dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No subtext here. People are naked.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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