Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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