Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
