i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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