I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
