So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
