I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
