Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
