We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
