the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
