Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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