you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
