i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
