dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
