the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm passing your future prison.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
