your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
