she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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