she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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