Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
